ITT: share your favorite joke/anecdote

[mozibake]

SCENE:
A man nervously paces the floor of a maternity ward waiting room. A doctor approaches him dolefully.

DOCTOR: I have some bad news for you, sir. Your son was born disabled.
MAN: Never mind that, just let me see him!
D: I'm afraid it's more complicated than that. You see, your son has no arms.
M: Is that all? Then I'll teach him to play soccer, we'll play together! Take me to him!
D: Actually, there is more. He has no legs, either.
M: I see. Well then, I will teach him to read, and we will read together every night. Maybe he can be a great academic.
D: Actually, there is still more. The truth is that he has no eyes, either.
M: Anything else?
D: Yes. In fact, he is just an ear. Here.
Hands man the ear
M: SON! CAN YOU HEAR ME, SON?
D: No need to yell, it is deaf.

[Colezz]

A man walks into a bar...

Ouch

[Summo]

My Grandfather died in 9/11... Wanna know what his last words were???
LALALALALALALALALALALALAALALALALA (Explosion)

[Rekkis]

What's the difference between a pimple and a priest??

Pimple will wait till your teenager before coming on your face.

(first i could think of, not my own)

[Valgatur]

What is red and bad for your teeth?
A brick.

Three women are about to steal from a storage. A brunette, a red-haired and a blonde. Suddendly they hear footsteps so they hide in bags.
The man looks at the bag where the brunette is hiding, and he hears "meow, meow"
Then he looks at the one where the red-haired woman is hiding, and he hears "woof, woof"
And finally when he looks at the one where the blonde is hiding he hears "potatoes"

A couple has flown to Mars
A Martian comes close to the girl, touches her stomach and says: tip tip tip.
Angry dude yells at the martian: don't touch her our i'll kick your ass!
M: we don't have asses.
D: Then I'll kick you in the nuts!
M: we don't have nuts.
D: How do you breed then?
M: Just like that: tip tip tip.

[mozibake]

Farmer walks into the farmhouse with a duck under his arm and says "so, this is the pig I'm fucking!"
Wife says "you idiot, that is not a pig, that is a duck."
Farmer says "I wasn't talking to you."

[gangstanigga]

the greatest joke of them all. . . a enh shaman in rogue leather who doesn't understand his class.

[thenuclearwalrus]

A Dog is barking at the window. His owner asks "Whats wrong boy?"
The Dog replies "The guy across the street drove into his OWN Driveway with his OWN car and went into his OWN house and shut the door!"
The Owner replies "That son of a bitch!"

[mozibake]

A Scottish man walks into a pub. He says "ye know lads, I built this here pub, but do they call me Angus the pub builder? Newp! I built the fence outside too, but do they call me Angus the fencemaker? 'Course not! But fuck one sheep..."

[mozibake]

A turtle learned to breathe through its anus. It sat down and suffocated.